Hello.
I have something to tell you.
A story. A story to change the world.
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It was a typical night, like any other.
I was sitting on my bed... thinking ... questioning...
Life just did not make any sense. Nothing at all made sense.
It was getting to the point where it was driving me insane.
Simple questions, with no answer...
To relieve myself of my insanity, I closed my eyes and thought of the one person that made me happy, at the time. During this moment, nothing else mattered. Only her and I, nothing else. I imagined myself having a good time with her. Nothing fancy, just sitting down having a good time, sharing stories, laughing...
I fell asleep and wake up the next morning, not remembering what had happened.
I fell again, into the daily routine of life. I got ready, ate and went to school...a junior in high school at the time...
After school, I went to the Band Hall and practiced the one thing I love the most, the saxophone. It is what keeps me sane. My calling, if you will...
Unexpectedly, I got tired and decide to call it and go home. But as I walk into the instrument room to put my instrument away, I see her. The one that I had a crush on. And there she was...in the same exact spot I had thought about the day before...
How could this be!? My thought became real?! What?!?!
Many thoughts adn questions ran inside my head. It was all too...strange...for me to handle. Never in my life had I experienced something like that.
I calmed down. I placed my saxophone in its case and got near her.
I saw her organizing her music for the football games and shyly asked, "Do you need some help?"
She replied, "Yeah! Here is a stack, sit down and help me organize it inside the plastic covers..."
For the next ten minutes or so, we are there, on the floor, talking, laughing, having a good time...exactly how I had imagined it the day before...
Unfortunately, nothing ever came of her and I...but this event was just the start of something much greater. The journey of a lifetime had just begun.
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All my life, I have wanted to experience, The Unknown. Something about the things that do not normally happen in the world that just...fascinates me. In the fouth grade, instead of reading at the beginning of class, I would *pretend to read* and focus on a particular object, usually a pencil, and make it move. I would try and try and everytime would fail.
As time went by, and as my hopes grew dim, I slowly stopped working on my all time dream. Occasionally, I would sit down and focus for a few minutes, but a voice inside of me would tell me to forget it and move on with my life. I regret listening to this voice. I let go of what I really wanted for something that I absolutely hate. The daily burden of going to school and learning about stuff that is irrelevant to life bothers me. I guess it is a way they use to keep us within the circle. Whoever they are, they are doing a damn good job of it.
I used to be a very distrubed child when I was young...
I am shamed to say that my addiction to the internet led to something tragic in my home. It was during the Junior High years that I was introduced to the internet. I found aobut all its glory. I could play games, talk to friends and even download my favorite music! This was also the time when high speed internet was not around in my area and was forced to use dial-up as a form of getting online. Everything was slow and the phone lines were always busy. My mother one morning asked me to get offline so she could use the phone. I was so addicted that I refused. She kept on insisting. I kept on refusing until a sudden spark of rage made me punch my mother near her left elbow...I do not normally regret things but THIS is one that I wish never happened.
The consequences were dire. My mother quickly pohned my father and sped from his work to my home. He did the exact same thing to me as I did to my mother, only much MUCH worse.
I cried. I cried and cried some more. It was then did my mother start saying that I was living a dual personality. At school, I was a 'normal' child. I got grades any mother would be proud, had friends that were a good influence and had no relationships with any type of drug and/or gangs. But at home I was a monster in a dark cave. I never talked to my family. I only spoke when I was spoken to. I always grabbed my food and took it to my room. When I was home alone, I would start watching television in the living room and as soon as I heard my mother come in, I would turn it off and head straight to my room. There was something about my mother back then that I heavily disliked. To this day I do not know why I was so detatched from her.
Things with my dad were oddly similar. He was never around, always working. When he was at home, he was usually in his room watching a soccer game with a couple of beers on the side. It felt weird talking to him aswell. In fact, talking to both my mother and father felt very strange. I could never hold a decent conversation with them. When it came to my friends and siblings, starting a conversation would be a breeze and I would actually enjoy talking.
I gave up my quest to experience The Unknown, or, not yet known when I was 11 years old.
When I was 16, things took a wild turn in an instant.
I changed.
The world I thought I knew wasn't the same.
I wasn't the same...
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I love jazz. Ever since I entered the jazz program in junior high, I fell in love with it. It is the only place I can freely express myself because sometimes, words are hard to compile in such a way to describe what you are feeling or what to say. I remember in the 8th grade, my teacher would ask the class who would want to try the solo and I would be the first one to raise my hand. When I was up there, playing in front of a crowd of 10 or 100, all that mattered to me was what was coming out of my horn. It was during my freshman year in high school that I really got close to a friend of mine. He played guitar and enjoyed jazz almost or if not the same as me. Instead of going to lunch, we would chill in one of the practice rooms and play a couple of tunes and just hang out. He was the one that introduced me to a whole new set of ideas and concepts about the world and how it functions.
I love philosophy. It is the second best thing after jazz. When I am not playing my saxophone, I am thinking about life and what purpose, if any, do I have in it. Julio, my guitar playing friend, and I would start talking about abstract ideas concerning God, reality, thoughts, and anything out of the ordinary (ghosts, aliens, bigfoot...). It was him that started the metamorphisis within me. The Spring break of my 10th grade year was the true turning point of who I was. I tried weed.
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I had tried it before, and nothing really happened. I tried it twice, but I felt nothing and had this idea that it was just a waste of money and time. It was spring break, I had nothing to do, I was eager to know if this would reveal something about myself, I went along.
It was a friday afternoon, myself and a couple of friends including my cousin went to Julio's house. We did not find his house suitable to smoke because his mother was there and she was not very fond of his son smoking. We decided to walk to Chris' house, a guy I had no relationship with... I didn't care, I just wanted to smoke it. I was like a little kid eagerly waiting for his candy or toy. We arrived...
We were in the back yard, Julio started to play his guitar and Chris was on the drums in this little shed they had towards the back. I was like, 'dude..', and told them to get out and take out the damn weed. Yes, I was desprate...They followed my orders and the moment of truth came. He rolled up a few joints and we each took some hits. At first, I felt nothing, neither did my cousin. I was again feeling disappointed. Chris kept telling me that I was really high but I kept on insisting that I wasn't because I did not feel anything. We all decide to go inside the house to Chris' room. We each sit down on the floor and start listening to a Pink Floyed song, can't remember what it was. As I sat there, I started to drift from reality. I was somewhere else, but I was not aware. Then, all of a sudden, Julio turns to me, and tells me, "You are not yourself anymore David." The events that happened afterwards were chaotic. I went crazy. I did not know where I was. I did not know what time it was. Most importantly, I did not know who I was...
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More to come on this story, on a daily basis.
To contact me, please email me at: tuns_of_fun@msn(dot)com