Skip to content →

Falarious.com Posts

Butt Dialing

When I made my girlfriend at the time squirt while not recognizing that her phone was on the bed and she had accidentally dialed her aunt with her ass so her aunt just got a very graphic message on her answering machine.

That Wet Ferret

I dated a guy who owned a pet ferret. He liked to let her out of her cage so she could get some exercise when he was home. One night he had let her out and while we were having sex, I suddenly feel this cold, wet nose on my thigh. Guess she had gotten a little jealous that her man liked me more than her and wanted in on the fun. He was so embarrassed, poor guy.

Where’s the condom?

I have the tendency to squeeze my pelvic muscles (really hard) during sex and the guys really like that. I must’ve squeezed way too hard, because the condom stuck to me as he was thrusting in and out. After we were done, he pulled out, and there was no condom on his dick…

We freaked out for a sec, and I was like ‘Are you SURE you put one on?!?!’ and then I realized (lol) and dug my fingers in…really deep too…and pulled it out.

Sexual Seduction Suction

My boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was on top of me. He leaned down, so our stomachs were touching. Somehow, the suction between our stomachs created this loud, embarrassing farting sound.

We’ve been together almost three years, so we just had a really good laugh and went back to the sex.

What’s that smell?

This happened back when my husband and I were first dating. He was spending the night, maybe for the third or fourth time. I woke up from some unsettling dreams and rolled over to cuddle with him.’I had a bad dream,’ I say to him. He rubs my arm a bit and sleepily says, ‘Oh yeah? I’m sorry.’

“You know what makes it better?’ I ask him. ‘Hmmmm?’ I squeeze him a bit tighter and rip a giant fart. I’ve always had problems with that filter that normal people have, that filter that keeps them from doing the things their cave-dwelling ancestors did with impunity. I didn’t think; I just did it. Then I’m mortified!

Suddenly I’m completely awake and aware of the fact that this guy I’ve only been dating for a short time but am really falling for is lying next to me in silence because instead of saying something like, ‘The thing that makes it better is waking up next to you’ I just squeezed him and farted. So much for being ladylike. So mortified.

Then I realized that he’s silent, but that’s because he is laughing so hard. He loved it. I was so relieved. And now, five years later, he’s still putting up with my crude and uncouth behaviors.

What a Bloody Mess

I lost my virginity to a guy who wasn’t circumcised. Not a big deal, but he was a virgin too. A couple minutes in, he thrusted a little hard, and it forced his foreskin back, ripping it from the base of the head back. It started bleeding profusely.

“He ended up having to go to the hospital and getting five or six stitches in his dick, which resulted in an inch-long scar. They say you never forget your first time…and he sure as fuck never will.

Roll Over Boning

One time during sex, my S.O. and I tried to do the ‘roll over while still boning’ thing to switch positions from girl on top to missionary. We both went for it, but somehow we tried to roll opposite ways, and his rolling managed to send me flying completely off the bed, caught air and everything. There was about a three-second silence before we both just broke down laughing.

Double Birds

My girlfriend lives in Brooklyn but was raised in New Jersey. While having sex, we could hear a few people out on the street talking about their apartments and rent (her room is about half a level above the street, so no one could see in the windows). At some point one of the men in the conversation said ‘I’ve only been to New Jersey twice and that was two times too many.’ My girlfriend, while on top, turned towards the window and silently gave the man the double bird, then continued on.

Sexual Carnival Games

I was having sex with my girlfriend, doggy-style, and pulled out. There was a plastic ring around my cock. She said it was her birth control thingy. I felt like I had won a carnival game.

Let me eat your hand

A few years ago I was having sex with my then-girlfriend. She was being rather noisy, and her roommates were home, so I told her to just bite my hand. She bit it. I ended up with six stitches.