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Funny Sex Stories! Falarious.com

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Passed Out Sex

When I was about 22, I went out with a group of female friends and one other guy. The girls thought it would be a great idea to head to a lesbian bar which was notorious for giving shitty service to men and m/f couples.

After about an hour of mean looks and no drinks, I decide to bail and pick up a 12 pack on the way home. No sooner than I get home and crack open a beer, one of the girls calls me and says that another one of the girls was starting shit and that I needed to come pick her up.

I run and get her and we head back to my place where we proceed to get drunk and argue politics. After a while I decide that I’m tired and go to bed. She follows me in to my room and hops on my computer. After a few minutes of looking around, she finds my porn and starts watching it while I’m trying to pass out.

After about 10 minutes I pull her in to bed and we start going at it. The sex was amazing, but I passed out. I don’t know how long I was out, but when I came to, she was still riding me. When we finally finish she realizes it’s now daylight outside and bolts.

Fast forward to St. Patty’s Day a month later and we’re hammered at a bar and I start telling the story and I get to the point where I passed out. She apparently didn’t know this, freaks out and throws a gin and tonic in my face and leaves.

Hot Habanero Sex

I made my girlfriend, at that time, dinner and it eventually lead to the bedroom. I started to play with her at first and she seemed to enjoy it, but after a couple seconds her face turned from pleasure to discomfort and then near horror. I had been cutting habaneros for dinner and totally forgot to wash my hands with soap. Needless to say I did NOT have sex that night.

I Broke My Dick

I was having normal regular sex with my girlfriend of the time. Though I suppose she wasn’t exactly wet, neither was I. So we’re going at it and all of a sudden I feel a kind of pinch. Thought that was weird. Then liquid… so I asked her, do you feel something odd? She thought I came. I hadn’t yet, so far it had been really uncomfortable. So I pull out. All of a sudden blood is squirting from just under my penis, all over her cooch, stomach, bed etc. I jump up and the blood goes on her floor, chair, and myself. I freak the fuck out half yelling “WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!” She freaks out, eyes wide just in shock. I run to the bathroom and just stand in the bath clutching tissues to my penis waiting for the blood to stop. Eventually, I get flaccid and the blood flow stops. We immediately Google what the hell was going on. I’m clutching my dick through my shorts the entire time as we look for an answer to how this spontaneous satanic blood orgy started and if anyone else has had the same.

Turns out you can tear the webbing under your penis. The ‘frenulum’. Who knew! Couldn’t have sex for 2 weeks and then the next month after that I was too paranoid to do much anyway. Hilarious to look back on though. I broke my dick…

Period Sex…Eww

My girlfriend wanted period sex. I was hesitant since I wasn’t too horned up, but she needed it bad evidently. So I caved. She got on top and started riding. It was literally less than a minute before she came. I didn’t finish. When she lifted off of me, I could sense my rig was soaked…but a different kind of soaked. Then I felt two heavy drips of fluid on my belly as she climbed off. The room was pretty dark so I walk to the bathroom. It was like a scene in a horror movie. My cock looked like it was used as a knife and my belly was dripping with blood. I had to hose down in the shower like a rape victim. My bedding was a mess too. I will NEVER do it during her period ever again. I don’t care how much she needs it. The bedding is in the washing machine now. Thank god for the steam cycle.

Backseat Naked

Me and my boyfriend at the time parked his SUV in the back of our local movie theater parking lot. Seemed ideal, since no one would question a car being parked there for a while late at night. As we started getting busy in the back we noticed a car pull up and park a few spots away from us. We thought it was weird and just watched this car for a few minutes. At first no one got out, but after a bit a man stepped out of the car and started shining a flashlight in our direction, and it looked like he was holding a gun or a knife in the other hand. We ducked down to the floorboards, starting to panic. I started freaking out and scream-whispering at my boyfriend that we had to leave, but he didn’t have a shirt on and I was basically naked. As we contemplated how to get out of this situation, the man started slowly walking toward our car! At that point, I screamed, and my boyfriend jumped into the front seat, started the car, and sped out of the parking lot, leaving me literally rolling around on the floor of the backseat naked. After we drove a few miles away, we stopped and got dressed and shared some nervous laughter about the whole thing, and no harm was done other than a few bruises I sustained in our daring escape. I’m still good friends with this guy and we still laugh about the time we thought we were about to be the victims in a real-life slasher film.

He Walked In And Took A Shit

I was hooking up with a football player in the bathroom of a usually desolated building. While I was going down on him, a guy walked in. I assumed he would pee and leave but nope, he didn’t. Instead, he went into the stall right next to us and took a shit. Then after he left, we started having doggy-style sex, and a guy walked in, stood in front of the mirror, and then left. He was looking at our reflection through the crack in the stall! We walked out smooth as ever.

Cockblocked By Stoners

My boyfriend and I decided to have sex in college around the side of the building, where the stoners usually go. We were in the middle of having sex on a bench when these guys came toward us to smoke. They saw us mid-intercourse and didn’t turn around or anything, they just kept coming toward the spot. We were in doggy-style on the bench with pants around our ankles, so it was totally obvious what we were doing and that they saw us! Guess they really wanted to get high there. We didn’t even get to finish and got cockblocked by stoners.

The Unholy French Kiss

When I was around 11 years old, I’ve been curious about how adults kiss on TVs and movies. A friend say that they kiss by slipping their tongue inside there mouth while they kiss. And I was kind of disgusted by it, but compelled to try. My mom was the type to kiss her kids on the lips while she put me and my little sis in bed, so when she tuck me in and kissed me, i slipped my tongue out, and my mom freaked out and pulled back. She said to me that I can’t do that, but in the next couple of nights, I would always stick out my tongue when she kissed me, and my mom always pulled away. Finally, when she kissed me again, I stick out my tongue into her mouth, and this time she didn’t pull away, she ACTUALLY moved her tongue and our tongue kinda played with each other for 5 seconds. My mom then blushed and told me not to tell anyone or else she would never do it again. I agreed, and for around 3 years, we have been french kissing ever since. Even as far as a 10 minute making out session in bed and even when we’re home alone together. It stopped, but I really missed those days.

The Wrong Hole

My first boyfriend and I were both virgins. He was trying to use his finger down there and accidentally stuck it in the wrong hole. It lasted all of two seconds, but I lost it. I died laughing, and he was completely mortified. In fact, just remembering it right now has me cracking up